The secret ingredient

In a popular family movie, the main character has a realization that there is no magical, secret ingredient, but that you are the one who makes whatever you do special by what you bring to the table. The thing that made my Mom’s chocolate chip cookies so intoxicating was the secret ingredient she put into it was her care for her family and the joy of watching us eat them with smiles on our faces.

In our interfaces and interactions with others, what is the uniqueness that we bring to the mix? What is our secret ingredient? If your personality were a restaurant, what item would people come back for again and again? What trait, quirk or attribute is the thing people want more of? What do they admire, appreciate, and what can’t they get enough of.

In business what unique and indefinable quality do we each bring to the table that only we can provide? If you aren’t aware of what that is, maybe you should. Knowing what we are good at will help us sharpen our skills and focus on areas where we can be successful. I was meeting with a CEO recently and when I left the meeting I knew exactly what he thought of me and I knew what he liked about me and what he didn’t. I was fully aware immediately after I left his office. Later this was confirmed when I probed his team for comments and impressions about me. I have found this useful over the years because it helps me know where I stand and what someone else likes or doesn’t like about my ideas and vision. I can read people pretty well. One great way to be able to read people is to ask questions and gage reactions. Look for a change in physiology, a shift in tone, a shift in eye contact, etc. These are all things I look for when interacting with others. That’s part of my secret ingredient, although I’m not claiming to be an expert, more like a student who is always learning and perfecting my craft.

You should have a sense for what you are good at and what you bring to the table and why others want to be around you. And don’t guess or assume. You know this by what others say about you. At one of my jobs it got to the point that I couldn’t get any work done in the office because co-workers would constantly come by my office and start conversations, and then another, and another. For the most part I really enjoyed the interaction and the conversations because they were light, humorous and invigorating. I knew what my secret ingredient was because I knew what others said about me (and said behind my back). It’s good to know the truth about what others say because it can help you be a better friend, co-worker, and person. Not saying that we buy into the negatives, hell no! but those parts that show what we bring that people want more of, so we can bring it again. It’s like Jeff Foxworthy. For a while we all wanted more redneck jokes because they were funny, so he did more. Thankfully he diversified after a while. But while it was hot, he milked it and got the most of it.

Whether it be your intellect, expertise, sense of humor, charisma, communication style, ability to listen, problem solving, or whatever your strength may be, be aware and bring it into what you are doing.

One word of caution! Like Jeff Foxworthy, if not done in good measure and balanced, it will become rote and boring, so use it in moderation and look for ways to expand and build upon the unique qualities you have to offer. Lastly, see yourself as that irreplaceable person that has a lot to contribute.

Ignite your passion!

Opinions, everybody’s got one…

The other day I was involved in a very interesting group discussion revolving around how we communicate with others. We talked about how we can affect people with our words without meaning to and turn off others to the end they will not listen to what we have to say. I know that personally I have been brash and spoke to hastily more times than I care to remember. If we are to be a leader or a person that people can come to for help, friendship, advice, we need to communicate in a way that is palatable to everyone.

We all communicate and receive information differently and we must consider that when releasing our opinion into the air without regard to the aroma of it. This is true with business, socially, and personally. I may have the best product in the world, and I may think that everyone who uses a competitive product is paying too much for inferior technology. However, if I criticize someone who uses it when I am trying to do business with them, I insult their intellect, and basically count them foolish for being swindled into making a bad decision. How would you feel in that case?

People make decisions based on their criteria, not yours. What makes perfect sense to you, may not to someone else. You must look a few layers beyond the surface to understand motives. Also, people generally make the best decision they can based on the information they have at the time. In sales, there is always a competitive alternative to what we have. Competition keeps us sharp and should push us to be the best that we can and prove our worth, rather than bash the other guy. In doing so, we bash the person were selling to. EVEN IF: the customer begins bashing what they have, do not give in to this but take the high road and focus on the value you bring to the table.

The person that is a notch above is the one who is respected because he does a few things differently than most, and there are a couple of them:

· Think before you speak: Truly take a minute to think through what you are really saying. Sounds pretty basic and fundamental, but the more I practice this, the more I stay out of trouble (some of the time anyway).

· What will others think of this? Before you can walk in someone else’s shoes you first have to take off your own shoes. There is an old Native American proverb that says, “Never judge a man until you’ve walked 10 miles in his moccasins.” Consider how someone will take it.

· What does this say about me? Consider if you were hearing this for the first time and had a contrary opinion. Don’t force your opinion on someone, first establish mutual ground and build from there.

· How are you saying it? You attract more bees with honey than with vinegar. Make it appealing. Just because you think you’re right, doesn’t make you superior in any way.

And, its Independence Day Weekend. Remember what we have in this country and be thankful for the freedoms we so easily can forget were paid with a price. And thank a military veteran if you see one.

Ignite your passion!

No guts, no glory…

When I was much younger I was discussing business pursuits with an elderly English gentleman. I very much appreciated his direct and humorous way of looking at things as well as the experience he had in life. As we were talking about how to tackle something beyond your reach, I said “No guts, no glory”, he responded with the English version which is, “nothing ventured, nothing gained.” He then proceeded to tell me several examples of how he and others reaped tremendous rewards by taking some calculated risks and having the courage to pursue their dreams.

I know many people who had a vision for what they wanted to achieve and allowed nothing to stop them from their dream. One person in particular referred to nay-sayers as “dreamstealers.” Not sure if he came up with that phrase on his own, but he sure lived that way. I watched him field criticism and take shots. He had to let it run off his back and move on.

What others think of us is important to most people and some are affected by the words of a stranger or co-worker more that those who are around them. The words from others or approval is important to some personality types, and can shape and mold them. What about the words of those around us and the positive attitude they bring to us. Why do think people are affected by others so much? Truth be told, we all like to be well thought of and respected and liked. But in the end, what does it really matter what someone else thinks of us? Someone we may never see again. Why do we emphasize it so much and magnify it bigger than it has to be or really is?

When you have are truly confident you won’t be rattled about by opinions of others and will stay focused on your goal.

· Your inner peace: For many, inner peace is a spiritual strength that comes from their personal faith. Peace is a sense of rest, inner quietness, and a lack of strife internally. This comes when we resolve internal conflicts and live up to the moral and ethical standard we’ve held ourselves to. It means we are comfortable with ourselves and are growing into the person we wish to become.

· Inner confidence: This comes from a belief in ourselves and our ability as well as a respect and the esteem that goes along with it. It doesn’t include someone who isn’t adept in a area and fakes it until he makes it. It won’t include those who are cocky or brag. You have seen these people, they are able, competent, willing to put in some effort and expect to succeed. They are determined to win, and prepare to do so. They love themselves, yet know their limitations. Most of all they believe in themselves and the task they have set at hand.

· Know who you are: Have you really sat down and thought about who you are? What kind of person are you? Somewhere, whether conscious or unconscious, we have a belief about who we are and It may not all be good. That’s why we need to figure it out. Truthfully, we have the ability to make that decision for ourselves. Its not a hand that is dealt to us that we are tied to. We shape and decide who we are and who we will become. When we get off course, get back on and align ourselves with that vision.

The biggest obstacles are the ones that we allow to stay in our way in preventing us from where we wish to be. We need to have the courage along with our vision and pursue our dreams no matter what others will say or think. Who cares anyway? Have the character to do what others are not willing to do and realize our dreams. Only you can do this for yourself, so make it happen every day.

Respect the Torch!

Control what you can, one great rule…

Some things are within our control, and yet others are beyond our ability to control. Personally, I am a firm believer that there is always something we can do to influence an outcome. We can prepare, plan, strategize, train, visualize, map out, and involve people who can help us get to where we want to be. And then there is the element beyond our control which involves others and their freewill.

One of the greatest freedoms we have is the ability to freely think, speak, and decide for ourselves. It is a God given right. This is, of course, within the confines of some basic morals common to all people. But nevertheless we have the power to decide. When trying to influence or persuade someone, it is imperative that we go about it the right way. What I mean by that is we should always endeavor to be objective and not have a self serving attitude. When this is our motive we will get a better and more equitable result all the way around. It is when people use power and money to serve themselves that they take short cuts and harm others and eventually themselves.

All of us at times persuade others on our ideas. Each of us has opinions based on what we have been exposed to and genuinely believe. Sometimes we try and sell our ideas to others. Other times family members may invite us to their home for the holidays and give reasons why we should go and what we will get out of it and how others will be affected if we choose not to attend. Let’s face it, we all persuade people at various times. We are all salesman.

The main key here is that all too often we have one point of view and don’t take the time to put ourselves in the other shoes. It’s when we do this that we will truly understand how the person across from you really feels. Before we can put on someone else’s shoes, we must first take off our own shoes. This gives us the privilege to be in their world and realize how something will affect them. See it from their point of view.

Some questions we may want to ask:

· How will this affect them?

· How would I react if I was them?

· What will this mean a year from now?

· Do I have their best interest or is it just my opinion of their interest?

· Why would they want to go along with this?

· Why should they care?

· What is in it for them?

· In the end, it is worth it?

These questions are generic, but they may help you see things from their point of view. The great key here is that we should endeavor to persuade from their vantage point. You cannot control what they will do, but if we put the time in, we will have a better shot at conveying to them, in terms they can relate to, how an idea or concept can benefit them. In sales, take the time to see a prospect or customer using the solution we proposed to them and how it will improve their situation. This will give you a better shot at effectively communicating in terms they relate to. So control what you can and don’t leave the rest to chance. Put on their shoes and walk around a little bit.

Ignite your passion.

Recharge your battery

With Memorial Day Holiday weekend comes the summer and many have big plans for the extended break from work and will focus on activities that will help them feel refreshed and rejuvenated. Some plan for months on travel and related activities that they look forward to and will bring them enjoyment. It is a great time to have fun at the beginning of the summer, rather than Labor Day, which is the end of the summer and then its over.
I look at any break like this as an opportunity to “recharge my battery”, as the saying goes. For me, I look for ways to relax and enjoy the time, and set vision for the months ahead. Here are some ways I use time like this to recharge myself and some patterns that help me better me.

• Don’t let things go: By the end of the day, resolve any issues with family, friends, and business associates. Don’t ignore things that we can resolve. Baggage doesn’t help anybody, so get rid of it. If something is not contributing to your goal, then get rid of it.

• Leave your problems at the door: I always have a mental box outside wherever I go and mentally empty my problems in that box before I go in. Don’t drag personal challenges into a business meeting, and vice-versa. Problems and challenges will always be there, the opportunity to make an impact on a person may not.

• Plan tomorrow: It’s crucial that we plan for the next day and think through the details like what we will wear, etc, so that we can focus on accomplishing what we want. You would be surprised how much this frees us up mentally to concentrate on our goals.

• Have a vision for where you will end up: We need to see ourselves standing with that medal, or receiving the award, or enjoying the accomplishments we have worked so hard for. See it as clear as you can and strive for it.

• Don’t be so hard on yourself: At times we all need to adjust and adapt as circumstances change. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t succeed. If Thomas Edison hadn’t failed 6000 times, we would not have the light bulb today. So, stay the course and reflect on the good you have done. Constructively look at areas where you can improve and strive for perfection.

You may find these points helpful in the race of life and should enable you to move ahead without the shackles weighing you down. And finally, take time periodically to reflect on where you have been and most importantly, where you are going. The best long distance runners are benchmarking where they are and rarely look back because it is energy that could be used in moving forward. Hit the tape strong!

Ignite your passion!

Shaping your destiny

There are factors that may play a part in what happens in your life. And at times those factors may influence what is going on at the time, and may even require added effort and strain in dealing with them. But it is only you who can determine what the final outcome is in your life. You have the power to shape and mold what you want.
There are numerous accounts of people who were dealt tremendous pain, trauma, loss, tragedy and misfortune but kept on moving toward what it was that they wanted. When things cease to be easy is when most get discouraged and lose drive and momentum and eventually give up. Yet those who really achieve something great and meaningful are those who continue with an ideal that is greater than their own comfort and convenience, and they persevere until they finally arrive at the destination they envisioned for themselves. This has been the way of greatness for those who make a difference in the world today.
The old phrase, “a winner never quits, and a quitter never wins”, is a theme that has played out many times in the lives of people for centuries. It is based on the premise that you MUST have the will to win and a vision for where you wish to be if you are going to achieve anything. Things just don’t fall into your lap.
At one point in my sales career I was having a moment of despair and was unhappy with my results. A fellow salesman came up to me and said, “if it was easy, everyone would be doing this”. I’d heard that before but at that moment it helped me understand that the biggest payoff is for doing the work where it gets hard and most give up and don’t expend the effort. If you were to ask the most successful people in the world about how they got to where they are, they could all tell you about the times when they wanted to give up, or at least were tempted to give in and do something else. This is where the rubber meets the road. And an interesting fact is that the area where a tire physically touches the road is called the “contact patch” and is about the size of your hand. That’s a small area compared to the tire itself. It is similar to the idea that if we go the extra mile, the last few yards, or feet, we will be in that category that most will never see and therefore we will win the prize.
We shape our destiny by never giving up on our vision for what we wish to achieve. Never settle, never compromise, never give in, and never give up on what we believe in. Break the tape, finish the course and enjoy the excitement of the journey every step of the way. You can reach new plateaus in life as we have a vision and are clear on how we’re going to get there and are willing to pay the price.
Ignite your passion!